Stabbed youth “had it coming”

Members of an Cheshire neighbourhood have unanimously agreed that a youth who was allegedly stabbed by a gang of pensioners had “had it coming”.

When questioned directly about the victim’s reputation in the estate, nobody was surprised that it had happened.  Bob Cratchett said “You always hear about it happening somewhere else on the news, but living here you expect it to happen on your own doorstep once in a while too.  Hope for it even, especially if they had it coming like this one, give us some entertainment and what have you.  Always quite exciting when you see all the coppers round, all the tape comes out and that.” 

When asked if he was shocked about the incident, Mr Cratchett said, “Not really, only wish I’d got there first myself.  Right little bastard, he was.  Fair play to whoever it was that done it.”

Molly Malone, who lives just two doors away from the stabbed youth’s family, was equally calm.  “Serves him right for wearing that hood, listening to music and walking around chewing gum.  Always used to say Good Morning when he saw you, pretending like he was nice and polite.  Little shit.  I only wish they’d used a knife.”

The vigilante group of pensioners implicated in the attack have yet to claim responsibility.  However, their website clearly vindicates the stabbing of “Right little bastards who hang around street corners” and the shooting of dogs and cats which “create a racket at all times of night.”

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