the wrong man with one leg

A short silly tale based on real life events.

She hovered nervously outside the weights’ room, a meek but well-presented old lady, then looked at Tony as he exited.

“Hello,” Tony said, because she was unavoidable and looking right at him.

“Oh hello, I wonder if you could do me a favour?” she asked, predictably well-spoken.

“Certainly,” Tony smiled reassuringly.  “How can I help?”

“Would you mind looking in the changing room to see if my friend is there.  His name is John and he only has one leg.  Do you know him?”

“I know of a chap with one leg who comes here, yes.  I can have a look for you.  Message?”

“Oh, yes.  Well I’m not sure if he’s even here you see but if he is there could you say Heather is waiting if he wants to go for coffee, like we..” she trailed off.

“No problem at all.”

“Oh thank you so much.”

Tony walked the few paces down the corridor to the male changing room.  The one person in the room had one leg.  He was slowly drying himself.

“Hello, are you John?”

The oldish man looked up from what looked like a complicated operation.  “No.  Frank.”

“Oh, I..”  This threw Tony.  “A lady outside was asking me to check if a man called John with one leg was in here.  And here you are: a man with one leg..  But you’re not John.”

“No.  Frank.”

“Didn’t think there’d be so many of you around!”

He chuckled merrily.

“Check in the pool.  Not sure if there was anyone in the Sauna.”

“Good idea.”

Tony poked his head around the doorway and into the pool area, conscious that he was still wearing his sweaty gym gear.  There were a handful of men in the pool and around the Jacuzzi, but they all appeared to have two legs.  There was no discernible presence through the door of the Sauna either.

This meant he would have to disappoint Heather.  Maybe she’d been stood up by a man with one leg.

He walked back through the changing room and addressed Frank.

“I don’t suppose you want to go for coffee with her anyway?  She seems nice.”

He chuckled merrily again, which Tony took as a No.


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